In America, we are often told that if you work really hard, you will get ahead. Most of us know that it no longer the truth. I personally have worked full time since I was about 14, and had part time jobs even before then. I have worked two and three jobs most of my adult life, and I have not gotten, well…anywhere really. Yes I save, and don’t buy coffee out. I don’t often go out to eat, I buy much of my clothing at second hand stores, buy food that is on sale at the store, and all the other things that “they” always tell you to do. They do not take into consideration illness, or children or ill children or the ridiculous rise in housing costs. They do not tell you about the ATM and bank fee’s, and the 4 dollars it takes to do a small load of laundry, and that the dryer is a quarter for ten minutes. By the time your laundry is done you have paid at least $25…a week. “They” don’t tell you about the rising cost of medicines, the rising cost of dentists, and the million other little things that those with money never ever have to think about.
Honestly, when I was a child, I tried very hard not to have daydreams or goals. I was very aware of where I stood financially, and what I could and could not have. I used to stop myself from having too many thoughts on the matter, but had a simple awareness of the difficulty I faced. Somedays, I thought that I was going to “do better”. Little did I know how hard it was going to be. For me, I have no safety net. Nowhere to go when your husband hits you, or cheats on you. No one to help you when you are desperate and alone sobbing in the bathroom for the hundredth time that year. No one to come and rescue you in the middle of the night, no one to help you with your bills and your pain. I can not call “home”, because I have no home. I can not call my parents, because they never wanted me to begin with and so I have not seen or heard from my mother in 23 years. My dad is dead. No cousins, no aunts, no uncles, no one. No friend is going to come through for me. In fact, I am not sure I even have friends anymore.
This means that my goals, if one can call them that, are nothing that most people would see as goals I imagine. But this suits me just fine. You see, I have a very different worldview than most. I value the things which others never consider.
What means the most to me is the smell of the the trees when it first starts to rain. The sound of the waves as the tide rushes out. The perfect shimmer of iris petals. The first bite of a summer ripe nectarine. The smell of coffee on autumn mornings. The stars that shine their deaths just as the sun sets. The smell of fresh mint. Finding the perfect stone or shell. A feather on the path in front of me. Gossamer shimmers of spiders webs in afternoon light. The thump of a dogs full belly. The smell and feel of fresh soil. Moving earthworms so they don’t dry out. The richness of a buttered potato. The first bite of chocolate cake. The stillness just before the birds sing the morning in. The pull of a full moon. To watch the fog roll in, and to revel in its mystery. To see a whale, in the ocean, at least once before I die. Perhaps have breakfast on the beach, and dinner in the forest.
My goals are simply to exist. To be with nature in anyway I can, as much as I can. To listen with fresh ears, and look with fresh eyes. To do as little harm and damage as I can. To have a safe little home, and a little plot to garden. I do not want much really, perhaps a little space and some peace and quiet. A soft bed to retreat to and a gentle sweetheart to share it with. I don’t want to own a bunch of “things” or have the biggest or best of cars or houses. I just want to be.
I have learned that without a safety net, the most important things become very clear to you very quickly. In that way I have been very lucky. I have paid a very high price, for some deep knowledge.
We do not need more “stuff”, we just need more time. We need the stars and the trees and the flowers. We need a sweetheart to share it with. We need to rethink what is important and what is real. Let the rest go.
Let the rest go.
Words that must be heard 