I never could have known such deep and intense love and beauty without having had her. In that moment, when she was so small, a brief moment of clarity and joy imprinted itself on my mind. These moments are few and far between it seems. Each of each of them must be remembered and recorded, to fall back on when the days bring suffering and pain.
My daughter was born 24 years ago this last August. I have kept this secret memory for almost as long. My pregnancy was difficult to say the least, the labor so bad they thought one of us was going to die. I had no pain killers or epidurals knowing the harm they could do her, so I felt everything. Every pain ripped through me like lightening, every rip and tear changing my body, my being. I labored for 16 hours, much of it alone, because my husband wanted “something to eat” and of course he “needed a break.” When she finally arrived, I was swarmed with doctors as I was bleeding out, literally. After injections and plenty of stiches, I got to hold her. She looked up at me, with a look of wsidom coupled with curiosity that is forever tattooed on my heart. Several transfusions and 24 hours later, I finally got to go home.
I had this perfect, golden treasure that meant everything to me, and I could not stand to be away from her for more than a few minutes those first few days at home. Everything about her movements and expressions were a gift. Her soft little body curved so perfectly to mine, her tiny hands grasping my fingers, those wise and new eyes staring so intently; it was sublime. As the weeks wore on I began to feed her away from her sleeping father. This
Words that must be heard 